The Leviticus of Grits
I hope and pray your Sunday morning bowl is not an abomination before the Lord
Yea, gaze unto the image above and ponder its truth. Here we have a man at cusp of returning to the Light of the Lord His God, after long on the wilderness in the embrace of a demon-temptress Jezebel.
For it hath been commanded that ye the children of God may not eateth the Grits despoiled by Sugar; ye the children of God may only adorn thy Grits with Butter and Salt, for this the law of God. Black Pepper too ye must shun; it is a Decadence.
Neither shall ye eat Grits despoiled by Cheese, for this is the habit of the Assyrians and Babylonians. It is a Decadence in the eyes of God.
Avoideth ye the Quaker Man for he is a Great Corruptor. His individual Packets of Grits ye must shun: they are a great Abomination of Desolation, and these ye should not eat, and these Packets ye shall not touch. They are Unclean.
And neither shall you eateth of the Great Corruptor's single-serving Tublets of Grits, nor shall ye touch the Tublets, for they too are Unclean.
Grits are not Oatmeal, and Oatmeal are not Grits, thus sayeth the Lord. Grits needeth not the designation Original, for all true Grits are Original, and only Original Grits are True and Pure. The Great Corruptor knoweth only Lies And Oats. The Great Corruptor shall stayeth in his Lane, and in his Lane he must stayeth.
And Woe unto them who eateth those Grits that the Great Corruptor hath adulterated with mysterious Flavorings, for these too are an Abomination.
The Great Corruptor's Power is Mighty and his Temptations plenteous; however the Righteous may slip from his Wiles. The Lord thy God has placed the Quaker Man's Wares before the Sinners of his Creation as a Test of Virtue. The Righteous shall seeketh out the Grits of the Righteous and thereby will find Contentment and their Lord's Pleasure.
The Lord thy God is a merciful God, and his Gifts to Those Who Seek are a glorious Bounty.
Of Shrimp and Grits ye may eat but not at the Breaking of Day. Shrimp and Grits may ye eat only when the Sun hangeth high in the sky and thereafter until the Crowing of ye Cock.
For I am the Lord who brings you up out of the land of the Quaker Man, to be your God. You shall therefore be holy, for I am holy.
This is the Law of Grits, to distinguish between the Unclean and the Clean, and between the Grits that may be eaten and the Grits that may not be eaten.
My experience making grits every weekend morning for years for the taco trailer was that only the Quaker "quick" grits were worth a darn with regard to that brand. However, finding any other brand of grits out here in the desert boonies is/was nearly impossible. For a bit I ordered some larger bag over the internet, but then that became unavailable and I went back to the Quakers. Late in the taco trailer game I asked an employee to grab some grits at the store but did not specify to get the box, not the box with the "instant" packets and I was very disappointed, more so than I would have been earlier in my career. And yes, pepper is a decadence (and Crystal hot sauce even more so).
We don't need a pilgrim, Pilgrim to tell us all you say is true. Even Billy Pilgrim would agree.